Catching up on all the days I missed due to not having wifi… But the past few weeks has basically just consisted of moving again into another house and meeting pretty frequently with my army recruiter. I’ve changed my mind about army reserves and I think I’m going to be doing active duty now. Still trying to figure everything out… Because… This is one of the biggest decisions I’ll ever make, but I really think it’s what I need to do, and I know it’s definitely seems to be what I want.—
Today was a long but good day. Spent the day packing… Turned in all my job applications and I have an interview tomorrow for the Journey’s store in the Northpark mall. Really hope I get the job! And me and my mom got ready for Josh’s birthday tomorrow, and I bought him a cool avengers hat since he’s been wanting a hat but my mom didn’t want it to look all “ganster.” Got to talk to a bunch of people today from Borrego which was pretty cool… And then we got to light off our own fireworks with my mom and siblings friends from church which was an awesome way to end the night.—
Well.. Today was a pretty good day… Super appreciating the friends keeping in touch with me. Helps me feel closer to home. Went with my family to take my grandpa to lunch for my mom’s belated father’s day thing, which was pretty nice. Then I was forced to buy and learn how to use makeup by Katie yesterday so today was my first day putting it on by myself… Weird that that actually ended up happening… Right? Anyways… After that I messed with settings on my new iphone for a bit an then me an my mom found out that the people selling our new house to us aren’t gonna have it finished by Friday like they promised, and, if not finished, is pretty much a piece of crap… So we’re really hoping it’ll all work out. I know if it’s God’s will, it will. Then I met my new bosses for both lifeguarding jobs an found out that it works different in a bigger city than it does in Borrego. So… I’m a lifeguard who ain’t gonna get a whole lotta hours like I was used to. Then decided to ditch the stress and go for a long 5 mile run… Got back home and forced a few bites of soup down an am workin on finishin more job applications… Need to get a few jobs goin like crazy right now. Loving the atmosphere of Missouri more an more, but I’m still super homesick. I know that’s where the insomnia and lack of a desire to eat are coming from.. An I wanna change it, but I literally can’t help it. It’s effecting me on the inside an out. But I know I’ll adjust eventually. Just gotta get routine goin soon. Trustin in Christ to provide some summer jobs an I’m doin my best to not stress about everythin with movin, workin, and gettin school and military stuff worked out right now an jes givin it all to the one who knows what He’s doin.—
Well… This is the first time in my life my mom has had to force people to come and make me socialize… So I wasn’t able to write Day 3’s yesterday, because I was over at the house of a new family my mom and siblings are friends with.. The girl Katie is my age is really nice.. And her older brother Jonathan is funny and he and his girlfriend are also both really nice. We went out and watched World War Z (Which was such a good movie) and then I just spent the night with them, and though I was awake most of the night because I forgot to take my sleeping pills, I still didn’t have a computer to write out about all that so…. I’m writing it now. Their mom is apparently a really good matchmaker and they warned me that she’d already talked about guys she’s planning on trying to get me with… But no. Not happening. Anyways… The movie didn’t scare me but then we got home and Jonathan jumped out at me in the dark and almost gave me a heart attack… Hah. The movie was really awesome. Haven’t really made any friends yet but it was nice to hang out with their family and do somethin fun.
Today was interesting… My mom’s tryin to make me socialize with the kids my age at church… I now have people all around tryin ta play matchmaker already… But that ain’t happenin. Went for another run in the evening. Exercisin an eating healthy, day number two. The nice thing about here is how beautiful it is everywhere. But I’m super homesick. Miss everyone from home. Had time to do my devotions which helps, but I’m bummed I didn’t get to listen to another camp message today. Both help immensely an that’s what’s givin me strength to get through.
Though reality is starting to hit at times, I’m still in a state of shock. Life is a blur and doesn’t feel real. Been taking stuff to help the insomnia and it usually helps, so that’s good. Woke up early this morning and helped some of our family members who were moving to a different apartment. Then drove over and got to see the new house we’ll be renting for, most likely, around 6 months starting this Friday. Then I went on a job search, and have spent most of the day filling out the applications. Finally, I just needed an outlet, and to get away, so I went for a long run until I couldn’t breathe anymore. Still in such a state of shock, I feel like I’m only visiting. I have moments of total loneliness and crying my eyes out when reality hits, and then returning back to normal when I fall back into shock. But I’ve realized, that isn’t always going to remain.. Or help. So I’ve been pouring into God’s word and spending more time in prayer than I have in forever. I’m grateful for how close this is drawing me to Christ, but it’s still hard sometimes. I am, after all, facing my absolute worst fear… So thankful for the friends that keep in touch with me though. I am choosing right now to allow this circumstance to change me for the better. There will be times I won’t be able to take it anymore, but I will choose to pick myself up and continue on, trusting God to be everything I need. I refuse to walk in defeat. I choose to be a conqueror and a victor. I will not allow my circumstances control me. I will not be lied to. With Christ, I have already won the war… So I must simply fight life’s battles… But even then, He is at my side. I choose to lose everything but Christ, for Christ. I will choose to walk victoriously, with my head held high amidst this battle.
God knows what He’s doing. He knows what’s best for us. Don’t get frustrated when one door closes. God always has another door. Keep praying, keep hoping, keep believing and keep yielding your dreams to Him because He will order your steps into the life of blessing He has prepared for you!
“The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way.” (Psalm 37:23, NKJV)
Today let me reassure you that God knows right where you are, and He knows how to get you to where you need to be. Even when things don’t go the way you planned, His hand is on you. Do not be afraid. Trust that God is working behind the scenes on your behalf, and that He will lead you into the life of blessing that He has prepared for you.